How to not be a Burden on Your Family and Heirs

As your clients age they have a number of concerns. These may include issues surrounding their health, their care as well as managing their money and estate planning issues.

Quality of life becomes important for your clients as well. As they enter retirement they want to be able to enjoy life. As they age they want to be sure their needs are being met in terms of a place to live and any care needs they may have. For many of your clients, not being a burden to their family or their heirs is a key concern of theirs.

Whether grown children or other family members, your clients don’t want to be a burden to others. Having a care plan in place for these clients is critical not only for their well-being, but also as a way for them to maintain their own independence.

In the situation where your client is a grown child or they often need help in understanding the needs and the issues facing their parents or in some cases,  older family members.

It’s not just about money

As your clients age they should be thinking about their care needs as they age. Depending upon their age, and especially if they are in relatively good health, their future needs may not be fully known. This thought process should also include thoughts on where they would like to live and perhaps the type of care facility they would like to live in if needed.

Much might also depend on family dynamics. Is your client married? Are there adult children and what is the relationship between the parent(s) and the children?

In the case of clients who are grown children, sometimes just understanding what is needed can go a long way towards gaining an understanding of how to best help their parents as they plan for their future needs.

Having conversations in advance and clearly communicating what you want

Having conversations in advance of when care might be needed can help ensure that the client’s wishes about their care, where they would like to live and a host of other issues are clearly spelled out at a time when there are likely no issues about their mental state.

Well-meaning family members may think they know what is best for a parent or older family member. If that family can clearly articulate how they would like to spend their last years this is the ideal focal point for any family planning issues surrounding this person’s long-term care and other late retirement issues related to their care and lifestyle. 

Starting these conversations can be hard in some cases, especially if a parent  or aging relative feels they are immune from the cognitive declines that can come with aging. Depending on the family dynamics, children and other relatives might use humor or other light-hearted strategies to discuss going. Making themselves the “brunt of the joke” can lighten the mood for all, especially for a parent who has always been the pillar of strength in the family. 

It's important to have these family conversations while all parties are relatively healthy both mentally and physically. The best time for these conversations to occur before there is a crisis situation. A crisis situation is often tied to the declining mental or physical state of a parent or family member.

These family conversations can cover a wide range of topics depending upon each family’s unique situation. Some common conversation topics might include:

•  Care needs. This is critical as parents and other loved ones age. The route here should be based on a combination of the level of care that is needed and their preferences on living arrangements. Their financial state may come into play as well. 
• Financial issues. As parents age and their mental state deteriorates, it's important that someone they trust is in place to handle their finances. This includes designating a child or other family to be in charge of their financial matters when they can no longer do this for themselves and ensuring that their affairs are in order when they pass. 
• Identify and inventory the parent’s or older family member’s financial assets. This is important to ensure that nothing is forgotten that could be used to fund their care needs. It is also important to ensure they are not the victims of a financial scam. 

Having an estate plan

While your client likely has a solid estate plan in place, this is a good time to review that plan to ensure that it reflects their current situation and any needs that have developed as they have aged. 

It can help to do an inventory of your client’s assets as part of the estate planning process and to help ensure that all bases are covered for estate planning. These assets might include:

• Real estate including a primary residence or any investment or vacation property
• Retirement accounts such as an IRA, a 401(k), annuities or others
• Life insurance policies
• Pension benefits
• An interest in a business
• Art or collectibles the client might own
• Bank accounts such as checking, savings or certificates of deposit
• Investment accounts such as a brokerage account
• Safety deposit boxes

Life insurance policies, annuities, trusts and retirement accounts should have the correct beneficiaries. 

Documents/accounts/passwords

One of the things we increasingly hear about is the need to be sure that parents and others are covered in terms of their financial accounts and passwords. The need to have someone else, a family member or guardian, have access to their key documents has been an issue for years. These might include a will or a trust.

Online accounts can include everything from a bank account to a brokerage account to your social media accounts. With so much in your client’s lives happening online it is important that you encourage your clients to make a list of all online accounts or all types and share this list with a trusted family member or guardian.

Even things as innocent as a Facebook can be hacked if left dormant. It's important that your client’s online presence be managed when they no longer can do this themselves.

It's important that children or other family members who will be involved in the caregiving process for a parent or older relative have the contact information for key people in the older relative’s financial life such as their accountant, financial advisor and their attorney among others.

Thinking through what decisions/tasks families will have to make

There are numerous tasks and decisions that may need to be made by older adults and their families as they move into their later retirement years. These decisions will vary by family, individual and situation. As with any aspect of financial planning, thinking about the decisions that need to be made and any tasks that need to be done by the older family member or your family members upfront allows for planning. Being proactive versus reactive in planning for aging parents and family members generally leads to better decisions and overall peace of mind. 

Examples of some tasks and discussions include:

• Finding the best living arrangement for the parent. 
• Selling a home or other assets like a car that won’t be needed for their home if they will be moving. 
• Ensuring that all financial assets are accounted for and properly titled. 
• Establishing a power of attorney as needed. 

In an ideal situation the parent or older adult will be able to discuss their situation with a spouse, adult children and other appropriate family members. Decisions as to where they will live as they age, the type of care facility that will be used if needed and who will watch over their financial situation if and when they are not able to do so for themselves.

For children and younger family members who are involved, this can be a balance between what their parent or older family member wants and what is feasible. This feasibility may be due to financial constraints or logistical considerations such as where all parties involved live.

Talking through these decisions early on in the process often allows for a better solution for the entire family.

While we love our aging parents and family members, they can be a burden to their heirs in a number of ways. Failing to state their preferences about their care needs and not having their financial affairs in order are two of these ways. 

In order to ensure aging parents and family members receive the care they need and want, and that the family does not engage in an ugly fight after their death, be sure to have the necessary conversation with your aging family members before they reach a state where a calm, rational and constructive conversation is not possible. 

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